February 28, 2025

I come from places where; or, "what you saw is what you got."

**This note (a rough draft, first pass only) was written as a reinterpretation of the song “What u see is what u get” by rap artist Young Dolph;¹

I’m a fantasy author, and I attempted to adapt the artist’s stream of consciousness navigation of the fallen world into the paradigm that I'm used to trafficking in.

-SL

February 28, 2025

I come from places where.
people are killed every day
I've never not been armed
Unless I was fine with throwing my life away
I could not ever be
Life was war
and it wanted to kill me.

yet I lived, and not only that I lived more,
I gathered many a laughing girl
up behind me on my horse
and we kept each other warm

I would ask her, seated behind my saddle
to be soft and warm in that space she occupied
she would giggle until there were tears in her eyes

We'd gallop, rocking on horse, far away...
upon our ’bus and bird of prey,
as the night itself unspooled and splayed
in the air around us, and the stars
we saw each other in the trine
that venus made, then,
to her brother mars.

I never compelled nor begged them
I would look at them, wantingly
and in return, they would want me

All the world now opened up.
While I was alive
I was still so young.

I grew up without love
So I had to learn to love money instead
The color of my soul was the luster of silver
It was my sustenance and my bread

And if I'm with you, I'm with you all the way to the end
My friend I miss you, but I wish we could be in that night together again
I wish we could be forever there
we were happily drunk on each other
as much as on the wine
my god, what I'd give
for one more moment of that night
to anchor the memory in my mind
one I dashed, impetuously, aside.

There were problems, even among my friends.
A troubled me, we were loyal always the end
Is that you up there? My lost friend?
You're closer to God than I ever was
Please tell him to keep blessing me
I need it now

Though my wealth abounds
I've never been able to set my sword down
That's how I live the rest of my life
Looking older, over my shoulder
Not able to sleep through the night

I know they laughing at me
I know that I'll never want me
But I come from the dirt and the shit
they threw me in
and i am to shove it down their throats

I earned my living
And I can never rest
I can't recline and relax
Upon my family's name and status

I made the rules and then I broke the rules. I do what I want.

Although while my wealth grows.
I can't stop, I have more than I can ever spend
But remember
It was this I had to learn to love
When all I wanted was a friend

And the diamonds, I cannot escape
their hold on me, the have become the center of me
I let them drop off me like armor
The Welp they threw in the road
Found diamonds there and wears them now

When I see my reflection now
Are the things that I've gathered?
And their worldly amounts.

I make no apologies nor excuses.
I'm a bad man who's done bad things.
But sometimes I wonder about all the abuses
unspoken, that were done to me.

1. (RIP; another great American talent snuffed out by the madness of guns in this country)